Thursday, July 30, 2009

For the past few days, tiny men have been trying to dig their way through my ear with rusty pickaxes (or so it felt), so I decided to drag my lumpy behind to the doctor's office. First I called my doctor, who I used to loathe but have now come to almost adore. I normally don't have a problem getting a same day appointment and I probably could have today....if he wasn't on vacation. So off I went to urgent care.

I got signed in fairly quickly because I had downloaded their registration form online and filled it out on my way there. Then I waited. I picked up the Highlights magazine which every medical waiting room is required by law to have regardless if children are seen. I found it far more interesting than the magazine next to it that had articles on erectile dysfunction and bedwetting on facing pages. Gallant and Goofus were up to their usual schtick. I found the hidden pictures.

I was called into the tiny room. The nurse, or whatever she was, came in and asked me why I was there. I was tempted to tell her that I was lonely and wanted to be surround by people with big hair in scrubs, but I resisted that urge and told her, as I had told the reception people and as I had written down, I have an earache. Lucky as I am, I got the chance for bonus points! "Which ear?" she quizzed me. Not wanting to lose points, I told her it was the left. I got it right, first try! Then we got to do the scale, because there's nothing more fun then having to tell the skinny girl weighing you, she needs to move the bottom part over.

Finally, it was time for her to take my vitals. My temperature was a little raised but not worrisome. For some reason, she decided to cut off my circulation in my left arm. Sure, she said she was taking my blood pressure, but I'm not sure I believed her. She released my arm from the boa constrictor she had disguised as a cuff and told me the doctor would be "right in." That is one of those lies that continues to spread even though no one believes them -the doctor will be right in, the government works for the taxpayer, no those jeans don't make your butt look big.

I waited. I sent texts to the idiot. I read the Grimm Fairy Tales on my Ipod. I waited. I looked out the tiny window at the driveway behind the center. I waited. A mere twenty minutes later, the doctor was there. It was lightening round time, but I was ready. Why was I at the urgent care, which ear, how long has it hurt, any other symptoms, do you have allergies? Amazingly, I knew all the answers. Then the doctor took his little flashlight thingy (sorry, I'm not a medical person obviously, and I have no idea the name for it) and first looked in my throat and then in both my ears. I bet he wanted to make sure I hadn't mixed up my left and right ear.

Then it was the doctor's turn to provide answers. So why has my ear been hurting for days? Allergies.

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